Katie Couric and Sesame Street Muppets on "When Families Grieve." Photo by Phillipe Cheng.

American society has become so fast-paced we often don’t give ourselves time to grieve properly,  social worker Mary Owen said.

We have “a society that doesn’t stop for much of anything,” said Owen, LCSW, clinical director of the Wendt Center for Loss and Healing in Washington, D.C. “It’s kind of like the show must go on.”

That is why Owen thinks it is important for families to watch the upcoming PBS special “When Families Grieve.” Owen served on the advisory board of the program, helping  show writers decide what topics to cover. The program follows several families that experienced death and lets them share strategies they used to deal with grief.

One of the families the program visits is that of social worker Kim Ruocco. Ruocco’s husband John was a Marine Corps helicopter pilot who committed suicide. Kim Ruocco got a masters degree in social work and is now director of suicide outreach and education for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. TAPS is a Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit that helps grieving military families.

“When Families Grieve” is hosted by newscaster Katie Couric and features the Muppets of Sesame Street. Owen said it was not difficult being an advisor to the program. Sesame Street writers came to Washington for a one-day conference to ask questions and listen to informational presentations, she said.

Owen said the PBS program is important because Americans have a difficult time handling grief and reaching out to family and friends who experienced death. In the past there were etiquette rules that dictated what colors families could wear and how long they remained socially isolated after a death. However, those hard and fast rules no longer exist. 

“It used to be people had very outward signs (of grief),”said Owen, who got her degree in social work from the University of Nebraska. “This included sitting shiva and wearing black.”

“And now thank goodness we’re not tied to strict rules but whenever the pendulum swings it never stops in the middle. In some ways the pendulum has swung to the other side.”

People now feel more obligated to get back to work and school soon after a death and perform tasks and services people expect them to, Owen said. And many Americans are uncomfortable talking about death and grief.

“It becomes the unspoken discomfort,” Owen said. “The more people don’t know what to say the more they want to avoid saying anything.”

Hopefully, “When Families Grieve” will give viewers tools to handle their personal grief and help others.

“When Families Grieve” airs April 14 at 8 p.m. Eastern on PBS. Katic Couric will air a 10-minute feature on the program on CBS on Sunday morning April 11, Owen said. That segment will also feature an interview with NASW member Phyllis Silverman, PhD, an expert on bereavement. For more information on the program click here. And to find out how social workers help families grieve visit the National Association of Social Workers “Help Starts Here” Grief and Loss Web pages by clicking here.

Catherine White-Holman. Photo courtesy of Vancouver Sun.

Our regards  to the Vancouver Sun in Canada for their moving profile of Catherine White-Holman, a pioneering social worker who helped provide health care to the community and was an advocate for gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgender people. White-Holman, 55, recently died in a plane crash.

To read the full story click here.

Aracely Neeley

Aracely Neeley has a new job some actors would kill to get. She will get to use her social work skills on camera in “Keeping up with the Joneses,” an upcoming reality television show on Centric that follows entrepreneur Tracey Ferguson.

According to the Centric Web site, Ferguson is an “attractive fashionista” trying to build a magazine that serves affluent African American women in Houston.

“I’m still thinking it’s a joke,” Neeley, LCSW, said. “Did it really happen? Is it really real?”

Neeley is a licensed clinical social worker with a thriving practice in Houston. Producers of the show, which is scheduled to air on the Centric network in early 2010, found her through her Web site.

Show producers needed a professional to provide real-life grief counseling for Ferguson. They filmed several counseling sessions with Neeley and Ferguson. 

“We did actual taping in our office — there was no script,” Neeley said. “They said this is what we need for you guys to cover and we want it to happen organically.”

“And I said ‘I’m just going to do therapy like I do everybody else and they said that’s exactly what we want.’”

Neeley is of Mexican descent and offers bilingual counseling service. She said being a minority was a plus in landing the role. She hopes her work with “Keeping up with the Joneses” will make more African Americans willing to try therapy to ease depression, family strife and other social issues.

“I think this show will depict therapy in a very down-to-earth way, and as a reality TV series has a good chance of (letting minorities know) therapy is an okay and acceptable treatment,” she said.

To find out more about how social workers help clients deal with grief visit the National Association of Social Workers “Help Starts Here” Death and Dying Web page.

Q: Reality shows have sometimes been criticized as exploitative. But do you think such programming  could be useful tools to show the benefits of social work?

Director Oren Moverman, center, with "The Messenger" actors Ben Foster, left, and Woody Harrelson. Photo courtesy of Imdb.com.

Oren Moverman is director and co-writer of the newly released “The Messenger,” an emotionally stirring film  about soldiers who must inform families a servicemember has died.

The movie touches on issues social workers help people handle, including death, grief, and post traumatic stress disorder. The military is also an area where social workers have a lot of expertise — the Department of Veterans Affairs employs more master’s level social workers than any other organization.

Moverman gave the National Association of Social Workers an advanced copy of the film and agreed to answer questions about the movie from the Social Workers Speak! staff and Web site and the NASW Facebook page. Here they are:

Q: Oren, what made you want to get involved in filmmaking and screenwriting?

A: I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, but I wanted to be involved in filmmaking from an early age, very early, I was nine when I started dreaming about it.  Of course, I knew nothing about what it meant. It was something I felt I had to pursue.  I came to live in the States in 1988 with filmmaking in mind and I started writing scripts while attending Brooklyn College. My goal was to direct. I was very lucky to get financing for my first film as a director in 2000, but the financiers pulled out three days before shooting and I was left with a writing sample I sent around. I started getting hired as a screenwriter, and suddenly that was my profession. But the goal was to direct. It took awhile. And here we are.

 
Q:  Most Americans avoid issues such as death and grief – issues that you addressed head-on in the movie “The Messenger.” What made you want to tackle these issues? Do you think Americans are too squeamish about death?

A: I think Western Civilization in general is squeamish on subjects like death and other “dark” issues as well – aging, hospitalization, illness and more.  We don’t like talking about these things. So much is devoted to this imaginary pursuit of eternal youth and happiness. But death is so central to life, so important. Alessandro Camon, my co-writer on “The Messenger,”  and I wanted to take the subject on from the military perspective because it is so immediate and dramatic; we wanted to contribute to the dialogue about war from a human perspective, i.e. life and death. It’s really a powerful tool. But the issue of death, specifically notification of death, which means dealing with the reality that people die, clearly goes beyond the military context. We all get notified of the death of a loved one. I suppose we felt ready and mature enough to put these themes out there, to not be too squeamish about it. It’s reality after all.

Q: One social worker who viewed the film liked it because it was a “war movie yet it addressed the after effects of war.” Do you think too many war movies focus on heroism and not enough are like “Born on the 4th of July” and the “Deer Hunter” and focus on troops after they come home?

A: We wanted to show, in a small, intimate way, the lives of people who have to deal with the consequences of the decision to go to war.  That was our first impulse that gave birth to this movie.  I think there’s a cycle to these things, and it has to do more with movie economics than the war. Don’t forget, a movie gets made because someone somewhere thinks he or she can make money by appealing directly to what they think interests the public. Of course, movies are a lot more than that, but we can’t make them without financiers.  So it depends on the time, the mood of a country, the war itself, the financial instincts of certain entities. I think there are plenty of movies coming out of the last two wars dealing with the aftermath. But these movies have not done well in the box office and there’s a hesitancy to make too many of them right now. But that’s not to say that once these wars are over, hopefully soon, and our soldiers are back, there won’t be more. I believe there will be. There are many stories to tell and many issues to cover.

Q: The Department of Veterans Affairs employs more master’s degree level social workers than any other agency. Social workers also provide services such as grief counseling to armed services families. I know “The Messenger” is in the can but if you could have done it again would you have included a military social worker who came in after the news of death was delivered?

A: Honestly, no.  I have the utmost respect for social workers; they are out there in the trenches every day doing great work. But this movie is just an entry point into the current military world. It’s an introduction to most people. It starts a dialogue; it cannot cover every aspect of the war. We just wanted people to become aware that these people, returning soldiers, families, are dealing with tremendous  issues that demand our attention. It’s all we could do with this one. Social workers deserve a film of their own.

Q: Social workers who saw the film thought the acting was great and you handle the issues in a realistic way. They also realize this is a movie. But they saw a missed opportunity. Could you have focused more on social and psychological treatment soldiers can receive when they get home?

A: I’m sorry that they see it as a missed opportunity.  But I also understand their perspective. Social workers are dealing with huge, complicated problems and they are rarely acknowledged for their enormous contribution. So the frustration is clear. But you have to understand that this, as you say, is only a movie. It gives a spotlight for a brief moment and then it’s gone. The reality stays. And we were trying to introduce audiences to the reality. There are so many good people involved in the aftermath. We don’t even show the Casualty Assistance Officer the Army sends to help the families. We don’t go into the healing process, really. Maybe there’s a sequel there.

Q: One social worker wrote: “Based on my proximity to military bases and installations, I’ve had some limited experience with military families on my case roster. Did you use a consultant to help you portray the military ‘culture’ accurately?”

A: The Army fully supported our movie and we have a technical advisor on set every day, Lt. Col. Paul Sinor, a great guy and a great help to us.

Q:  Did you know actress Samantha Morton in your film is part of a campaign to recruit more social workers in the Great Britain? How do you feel about Samantha’s efforts?

A: Sam is a remarkable women and a sublime actress. I knew she was active in social workers issues and I know that it come from her childhood. I applaud her efforts and I know they come from a genuine place.  Sam doesn’t do anything she doesn’t believe in.

Q: Another social worker asked: “Do you feel that social workers are generally misrepresented as unskilled professionals? After directing this film, has your view of social workers’ role and impact change at all?”
A: I grew up in Israel where the role of the social worker is integral to society. I do think there’s a misperception in the U.S. as to what a social worker does. Unless you know one or you’re interacting with one, there’s no real model for people to look at and learn from. Social workers have not gotten their fair share of public attention, and their role has not been publicly acknowledged on a large scale. But that’s not to say that they are not being appreciated and admired by so many for whom social workers dedicate their lives and time.  To me there is something heroic about it. Not in a clichéd, Hollywood way. There’s something heroic about a life of giving, a life of service to social justice and bettering people’s quality of life.

Q: What projects are you working on next?

A: There are a few things I’m looking at, nothing solid yet. I’ll let you know as soon as I find out.  It sounds like your members have some ideas for me. And I appreciate it.

Ben Foster, left, and Woody Harrelson star in "The Messenger." Photo courtesy of "Moving Pictures."

Director Oren Moverman offered NASW a chance to do an advance viewing of his film “The Messenger” at NASW offices this afternoon. The movie is about soldiers who must deliver news of a death to families.

Most of the audience members were social workers. How did they feel about the film?

They thought the acting by Woody Harrelson, Ben Foster and Samantha Morton was spot on. It is also a good and timely message movie, considering the United States is still losing soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan and troops are returning injured and suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. For more information on how social workers are helping the military click here to vist the NASW’s “Help Starts Here” section on Veterans Affairs.

“I enjoyed it — I thought the acting was phenomenal,” said Sharon Issurdatt, LCSW. “It’s a war movie but different. It shows the after effects.”

However, other social workers in the review audience said the film should have given more attention to the services provided to grieving families after the “messengers” deliver their grim news. The Department of Veterans Affairs hires more masters level social workers than any other industry, and many of these social workers provide guidance to soldiers and their families.

The movie mentioned casualty assistance officers several times but where were the military social workers, several audience members said?

“The Messenger” opened in limited theaters on Veterans Day.

Oren Moverman is director of the upcoming film “The Messenger,” which stars actor Woody Harrelson. The movie is about two soldiers who have the emotionally draining duty of telling families that soldiers died in action. Many social workers work with the military and the film addresses issues social workers address, including post traumatic stress disorder and grief.

Oren is taking questions from social workers about the film, which premieres Nov. 11. Please submit your questions in the response section below. We’ll pick some for Oren to answer.

Woody Harrelson. Photo courtesy of Film Festival Ticker.

The soon-be-released movie “The Messenger” handles two topics many people would rather avoid — death and grief. Actors Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster play soldiers who must tell families their loved ones died in service to their country. This issue resonates with social workers who provide services to the military and grieving families. To read more about the role of social workers click here to visit the Grief and Loss section of NASW’s “Help Starts Here” Web site.

QUESTION: Do you think the process of death and grieving is handled accurately in the news, television and movies? Leave a comment!