Linda and Charlie Bloom. Photo courtesy of the Dr. Pat Show.

Just because you have differences with your mate does not mean your relationship is destined for the rubbish heap, National Association of Social Workers members Charlie and Linda Bloom said in this column in Huffington Post.

No relationship, or mate, is perfect, said Charles Bloom, MSW, and Linda Bloom, LICSW. Partners should not take differences personally but look at them as opportunities to improve their relationships and themselves.

Here is part of what they wrote:

Though conflict may not be avoidable in marriage, it is not necessarily a foreshadowing of doom. Differences in opinions, feelings, temperaments, and even values are an inherent aspect of relationship. In fact, we generally select partners who will help us to expand our inner and outer lives by offering a life perspective that differs from our own.

Charles and Linda Bloom have been married since 1972 and are nationally recognized relationship experts. They are also authors of the books “101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married” and “Secrets of Great Marriages.”

Social workers help people improve their connections to others. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Relationships consumer website.

Jeannette Lofas and her husband. Screenshot courtesy of NBC Miami.

Some married couples are finding that living apart is the key to happiness, according to this news article and video segment from CBS Miami.

For instance New York City social worker Jeannette Lofas, PhD, LCSW, lives about 20 miles away from her husband of 10 years. They get together on weekends.

“It’s more of a celebration when he comes,” she said.

More than 1.7 million married couples in the United States live apart, according to the Census Bureau. That number is rising, experts claim.

Lofas, who is an expert on blended families, said the arrangement is especially beneficial to people who may be entering second marriages and have children.

“Who comes first is a big issue in a remarriage with kids . When you’re in separate houses, you can decide the order of things,” she said.

However, a big issue in deciding whether to live apart after marriage is whether the couple can afford it. And experts recommend young couples just starting out live together.

Social workers help clients build better relationships with others. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Relationships website.

Dr. S. Megan Berthold. Photo courtesy of the University of Connecticut.

The recovery of the three women who were kidnapped and held on a house in Cleveland for years will depend on how they deal with their raw emotions, National Association of Social Workers member S. Megan Berthold told the Christian Science Monitor in this article.

Berthold, PhD, LCSW, CTS, is a professor at the University of Connecticut School of Social Work. She has also provided services to refugee survivors of torture from around the world, work that earned her recognition as the 2009 Social Worker of the Year.

“Being held and traumatized for a long time, you often develop questions like, ‘Why me?’ or ‘Will this ever end?’ and will try to determine the meaning of the trauma,” Berthold said. “Often you don’t know if you will survive, so being able to make some sense out of it, and developing strategies to cope, to be resilient in the process, can make a huge difference on whether one survives the ordeal, and in shaping their response afterward.”

At least one of the victims may have had a child with one of the captors. Berthold said this child may remind its mother of the traumatic experience or given the mother a sense of purpose and reason to stay alive.

Social workers help people from all walks of life overcome life’s challenges and thrive. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” website.

Kaylee Rebert, left, and Nicholas Marino. Photo courtesy of NBC.

Detecting whether a teenager is suicidal can be difficult for parents, National Association of Social Workers member Pamela Farkas said in this article on Huffington Post.

That is because some parents can mistake the signs for typical teenage behavior, she said.

Farkas provided her tips in response to recent news reports about Nicholas Marino, 13, and his girlfriend Kaylee Rebert, 14, who ran away from home.

Marino left a suicide note, raising concern the couple would kill themselves. However, they were found safe.

Farkas said some signs a teenager is considering suicide include becoming more isolated and not participating in athletics and other activities they used to enjoy. Teens who are usually happy may become depressed and teens who are usually more withdrawn may suddenly become outgoing, she said.

“If it happens once, however, it doesn’t mean they are depressed,” Farkas said.

To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Suicide Prevention website.

Cheryl Hurst. Screenshot courtesy of Bronx News 12.

What goes on inside the head of a child or teenager who bullies? What makes them so cruel to others?

National Association of Social Workers member Cheryl Hurst, a clinical social worker at the Montefiore School Health Program, told New York’s Bronx News 12 that bullying is complex during this interview.

Often the person who bullies others have low self esteem and try to control others because they have little control over their own lives.

Adults must work with both the bully and the person who is bullied to make sure they both feel secure and safe, Hurst said.

You can read more about how the National Association of Social Workers has called on social workers to speak out against bullying. Social workers also help young people overcome life’s hurdles, including bullying. To find out more go to NASW’s “Help Starts Here” Kids and Families website.

Phoenix resident Michael Rolack holds a photo of his grandson Nick, a Marine who committed suicide after returning from Iraq. Photo courtesy of the Arizona Republic.

In order to ease the rising suicide rate among active duty military personnel and veterans, mental health professionals and others must show empathy and be nonjudgmental, social worker David Klein said in this Arizona Republic article.

Klein is the suicide-prevention coordinator for the VA Health Care System in Phoenix.

“You don’t want anything to sound rote. You want to show empathy and concern, not like you’re reading something,”  he said. “You don’t tell them, ‘Suck it up, Marine.’ This is the worst thing that has happened to this veteran.”

Experts say a number of factors have led to rising suicide rates, including job loss after returning from duty, relationship and money problems, drug use and post-traumatic stress disorder.

The number of veteran suicides rose to 22 per day from 20 per day between 2000 and 2010, according to a recent U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs report. Almost one active duty soldier committed suicide each day in 2012, up from 301 in 2011, the Department of Veterans Affairs said.

The National Association of Social Workers is committed to supporting the health and welfare of the our veterans and their families. Professional social workers can find resources to help veterans by visiting the NASW “Social Work with Veterans and Military Families” website. And consumers can learn more about the services social workers provide veterans and their families by visiting NASW’s “Help Starts Here” Veterans Affairs website.

Marty Green. Photo courtesy of Purdue University.

Negatives thoughts can lead to stress and even harm your health, said Marty Green, MSW, ACSW, a social worker with Purdue University’s Counseling and Psychological Services.

Green gave JCOnline.com 10 steps for getting rid of negative thoughts and living life in a more positive and hopeful way.

The first step: Start believing what is good about yourself.

To read the rest of the steps check out the JCOnline article.

Social workers help clients improve their mental health. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Mind and Spirit website.

Photo courtesy of choosemyplate.gov.

Mindless eating often leads people into making poor food choices.

However using mindfulness, a form of non-judgemental, moment-by-moment awareness, can help people make healthier food choices, social workers Pauline Cecere, MSW, LCSW, and Nicole Christina, LCSW, said in this Syracuse New Times article.

“Food is not the enemy or your best friend,” said Christina, who is a psychotherapist. “Mindless eating seems to be more the rule than the exception in our fast-paced culture.”

Mindfulness can help people break free of reactive, habitual ways of thinking, feeling and acting. As a result, the practice can help clients focus on making better food choices, Christina and Cecere said.

Social workers help clients lead healthier lifestyles. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Healthy and Wellness website.

Photo courtesy of DH Information.

Stress is a fact of life. Without it, life would be be pretty boring.

Meredith Van Ness. Photo courtesy of LinkedIn.

However, social worker Meredith Van Ness, MSW LCSW, told Colorado’s Vail Daily newspaper the key is to manage stress so that it does not become chronic and overwhelming.

A few of her tips:

• Get physical. Exercise helps people who are stressed or depressed recover more quickly.
• Make small changes to address stress, such as getting proper sleep or eating more healthy foods.
• Avoid alcohol and learn other methods to deal with stress, such as meditation and breathing exercises.
• Keep a journal to record when you feel stressed and what caused it. This will help you avoid stressors.

You can read more of Van Ness’ tips in the Vail Daily news article.

You can learn more about how social workers help clients deal with emotional stress and mental illness by visiting the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Mind and Spirit website.

Getty image courtesy of the Wall Street Journal.

More than 6 million people are without power in the wake of Hurricane Sandy.

However, National Association of Social Workers member Catherine Pearlman said the storm need not take the treat out of Halloween.

Pearlman, who is assistant professor of social work at the College of New Rochelle, offered parents tips on how to help their children ride out the storm and its aftermath. Her comments appeared in this article  on the Wall Street Journal‘s The Juggle blog.

For instance, if the power is still out in your neighborhood Pearlman, LMSW, DSW, said parents and children can still dress up and decorate. But instead of going from door-to-door searching for treats, children can find candy hidden around the house.

“This is such an opportunity to be together,” Pearlman said.

Disney’s Minnie Mouse (left) and Barneys New York’s fashion runway fantasy depiction of Minnie. Photo courtesy of Radio 720 WGN Chicago.

National Association of Social Workers member Judith Matz, MSW, LCSW, and others are commenting on Barneys New York stores decision to use a thinner version of Disney’s Minnie Mouse in holiday windows.

Matz is director of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating, Inc. and co-author of “The Diet Survivor’s Handbook: 60 Lessons in Eating, Acceptance and Self-Care” ($12.95, Sourcebooks Inc.).

Matz was quoted in this article from Radio 720 WGN in Chicago.

The article said the Barneys New York display, which features an emaciated Minnie in a fantasy runway video, will send the wrong message to young people and especially girls that thinner is better.

However Matz said parents have more influence over their children’s attitude towards weight.

“What parents can do is not comment on their own body size, not talk about diets in front of children, not say ‘so-and-so looks great because she lost weight’ or keep magazines around the house that say ‘Lose 20 pounds in 2 days!’” Matz said in the article.

For more information on how social workers help consumers live healthier lifestyles, visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Health and Wellness Web page by clicking here.

Photo courtesy of NPR.

Some people do not view Peeping Toms as criminals and consider the act a victimless crime.

However, National Association of Social Workers member David Prescott, said in this NPR interview that secretly watching and videotaping people for the purpose of sexual arousal is a crime.

And victims of Peeping Toms can also be traumatized by the act, said Prescott, MSW, LICSW, who lives in Maine.

“As far as I’m concerned it is indeed a sex crime and should be treated seriously,” he said.

NPR interviewed Debra Gwartney, the mother of four teenage daughters who were the victims of a Peeping Tom. She called police who downplayed the incident.

“They were very assuring, but they kept saying, ‘Oh, it’s just a prank. You know, kids do this. Don’t worry about it,’” Gwartney said.

Social workers help the victims of sexual assaults and other crimes. To learn more click here to read “Family Safety – Your Options: Teens and Rape” at the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” consumer website.

Photo courtesy of AllAmericanPatriots.com.

The amount of hazing in the Army has declined over the past 10 to 15 years, National Association of Social Workers member Rene Robichaux, DSW, said in this article from the Army News Service.

Part of the reason is that American culture has changed and more people are aware of the ill effects of hazing and other forms of bullying, he said. The military culture has changed as well, he said.

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Martin E. Dempsey in a recent statement urged all service members to have a personal responsibility to intervene in and stop any occurrences of hazing or bullying.

Robichaux is the Army’s Social Work program manager. He experienced hazing during his college fraternity days and again in 1967 when he was going through qualifications on a Navy submarine.

“I knew it was definitely hazing, and that it was time-limited, and completely tied to the time that it took to become proficient on that submarine,” he said.

Hazing in the military often takes place in elite units although it can occur in any branch of the service, Robichaux said. Hazing can cause depression, stress and even post traumatic stress disorder in victims, he said.

The National Association of Social Workers is committed to supporting the health and welfare of the our veterans and their families. Professional social workers can find resources to help veterans by visiting the NASW “Social Work with Veterans and Military Families” website by clicking here. And consumers can learn more about the services social workers provide veterans and their families by visiting NASW’s “Help Starts Here” Veterans Affairs website by clicking here.

Social worker Toni Dowdy. Screenshot courtesy of KYTX TV.

The nation has gone crazy over texting and Facebook, according to this article and TV news segment from KYTX TV in Tyler Texas.

Americans send 2.5 billion text messages a day, or eight for every person in the United States. And Facebook said users have posted a comment or clicked “like” six billion times since January.

According to the KYTX report some people are waking up several times a night to answer text messages on their cellphones.

Sleep is not the only thing that suffers.

Social worker Toni Dowdy said social media also puts a damper on relationships.

“There’s a loss of closeness in relationships because you can’t develop that if you’re constantly just texting,” said Dowdy, LCSW, who works for East Texas Medical Center Behavioral Health.

Dowdy recommends people wean themselves off their texting addiction by making a list of people important to them and a second of people they can wait a day or longer to respond to.

“You have to prioritize, finally and decide ‘Who do I answer today?” she said. “Do I have time to answer this person?’”

Social workers help clients build stronger relationships. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Relationships website by clicking here.

Lisa Dupree. Photo courtesy of Our Kids.

Social worker Lisa Dupree was one of several experts interviewed by USA Today and the Tennessean in this article and video about the aftermath of the Jerry Sandusky sex abuse trial.

Dupree, LCSW, works for Our Kids, a Nashville-based organization that among other things provides expert medical evaluations and crisis counseling services in response to child sex abuse reports.

What can be learned from the Sandusky scandal at Penn State?

Dupree says parents should make kids comfortable enough to talk about anything, including sex. Children also rarely lie about sexual abuse so if they say it occurred parents or other responsible adults should believe them, she said.

And the Sandusky case also proved that sexual offenders can be respected members of the community, Dupree said. In fact, Sandusky’s position as an assistant coach of a successful college football team likely caused parents and Penn State University officials to be in denial.

“I don’t think Penn State covered this up,” Dupree said. “I think these men told themselves that he wasn’t a monster and they believed it. The power of denial keeps children vulnerable and at risk.”

To learn more about pedophilia and how social workers help sexual abuse victims recover click here to read an interview with expert Michael Ian Rothenberg, PhD, LCSW, on the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” consumer website.

Jerry Sandusky. Photo courtesy of AP.

Former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky is expected to defend himself in a child sex abuse trial by claiming he has histrionic personality disorder, but social worker Cindy Brumbaugh doubts that strategy will work.

“In my opinion, I don’t think it’s something that can be used as a mental health defense,” said Brumbaugh, MSW, LSW, who was interviewed in this article from CBS Pittsburgh.

A person with histrionic personality disorder is very emotional and attention seeking, Brumbaugh said. They believe the world revolves around them.

Brumbaugh works at Actions Counseling in Bellefonte, Pa., and has been counseling people with histrionic personality disorder for a decade.

Social workers play a key role in providing mental healthcare in the United States. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Mind and Spirit  website by clicking here.

In 2006 unindentified pranksters at Plainview-Old Bethpage John F. Kennedy High School in Plainview, N.Y. put a pink-painted shell of a Honda on the roof of the principal's office. Photo courtesy of TruTV.com

It’s graduation season and seniors across the nation are pulling pranks, including leaving smelly, dead fish in lockers or removing all the mice from  the computer lab.

National Association of Social Workers member Mindy Utay, MSW, in this article in the Associated Press said such pranks are okay as long as they do not get out of control.

“It’s something they look forward to after all the pressure — a chance to take back some of the control,” said Utay, a therapist and clinical social worker in private practice in Manhattan.

To learn more about how social workers help young people overcome life’s hurdles visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Kids and Families website by clicking here.

Jennifer Kogan

National Association of Social Workers member Jennifer Kogan, explains in this Washington Post blog why it is important to let boys cry and express other emotions.

Our culture actively encourages boys to become more stoic, with some parents discouraging boys as young as four or five from crying.

However Kogan, who cited several studies in her blog, said boys who are more emotionally expressive were less likely to develop depression or consider suicide, which occurs more frequently in males after age 16.

Getting boys to express what they are feeling could also help prevent future relationship problems, Kogan, MSW, LICSW, said.

“My concern starts with the boys themselves and extends to the men they will become and the families they will create,” she said. “Oftentimes, when I am working with a couple in therapy, men will tell me they, ‘aren’t good with feelings’ or, ‘they don’t have a lot of feelings.’”

Social workers such as Kogan help children and families overcome life’s hurdles. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Kids and Families website by clicking here.

Julie de Azevedo Hanks

Some therapists are so sick of clients whining they are using tough love to get people to stop complaining and take action to solve their problems, according to this article in the Wall Street Journal.

One of the therapists the newspaper interviewed was National Association of Social Workers member Julie de Acevedo Hanks, MSW, LCSW, who runs a practice in Salt Lake City.

“A lot of whiners don’t know they whine,” Hanks said.  “I want them to ask themselves, ‘Would I want to hang out with this person?’”

Hanks encourages clients not to dwell on issues they whine about a lot, such as their mother or their ex. She has even recorded some sessions on audio so clients can hear how much they whine.

Hanks says whining often masks a deeper emotion, such as fear. For instance, a person may whine about their boss because they fear their career has stalled.

“Whining is just a powerless complaint,” she said. “Understand this and you can get to the root of what is wrong.”

Hanks was nominated for a 2012 National Association of Social Workers Media Award for best website. To visit her website click here. And to learn more about how social workers help clients overcome mental and emotional hurdles visit NASW’s “Help Starts Here” Mind and Spirit website by clicking here.

Ashley Davis Bush

How can you manage stress? You could exercise. Or you could take expensive trips to the spa or a pricey vacation.

However, National Association of Social Workers member Ashley Davis Bush, MSW, LCSW, wrote in this blog in Huffington Post that being grateful can be the cheapest and surest way to relieve stress.

For instance Bush, a New Hampshire psychotherapist, says when you wake up in the morning lay in your bed with one hand on your upper chest and the other on your belly. Think of three things in life that make you smile. Breathe in gratitude and let it fill you, she said.

And when you do the sometimes stressful task of paying bills think of the services the bills provide, like heating and cooling for your home. And really, aren’t you happy to have a cellphone?

Q: Social workers, what inexpensive things do you do to relieve stress?

Life can be stressful but a social worker can help you cope. To learn more visit the National Association of Social Workers’ “Help Starts Here” Stress Management website by clicking here.